Where's This Village Everyone Keeps Talking About?
Before becoming a mom, I heard it all the time:
"It takes a village."
And then I became a mother and thought:
"Okay... but where exactly do I pick one up?"
Is there a sign-up sheet? A secret Facebook group? Do they get assigned at the hospital when you leave with your baby?
Because for many mothers, especially in the early postpartum months, the village feels more like a mythical creature than a reality.
The truth is, building community in motherhood can be surprisingly hard.
Not because you're doing anything wrong.
Not because you're not friendly.
But because you're trying to make meaningful connections during a season when you're running on fragmented sleep, wearing the same shirt with spit-up on the shoulder for the third day in a row, debating whether dry shampoo counts as a shower, and carrying a tiny human who seems personally offended every time you attempt to put them down.
If You're Feeling Lonely, You're Not Alone
One of the things I wish more mothers talked about is how common loneliness can be after having a baby.
You can be deeply in love with your baby and still miss adult conversation.
You can be surrounded by supportive family and still long for another mom who understands exactly what it's like to Google, "Is this normal?" at 2 a.m.
You can have people who love you and still feel like you're craving connection.
Motherhood is beautiful, but it can also feel surprisingly isolating.
The Good News? Villages Are Usually Built, Not Found
I think we sometimes imagine that everyone else has effortlessly found their group of mom friends.
A tight-knit circle that meets every week for coffee, takes matching beach photos, and somehow remembers to pack snacks for everyone.
In reality?
Most villages start much smaller.
A conversation after a baby class.
A familiar face at story time.
The mom sitting next to you who also looks slightly exhausted and is wondering if her baby is the only one refusing naps.
Friendships often begin with simple, ordinary moments.
Not grand gestures.
Just showing up.
Again and again.
Go Where Other Moms Already Are
One of the easiest ways to build community is to stop trying to create it from scratch.
Instead, go where other mothers are already gathering.
Think:
MomCo groups
Stroller workout classes
Library story times
Baby and me classes
Breastfeeding support groups
Local community events
And really…local mom Facebook groups
And here's the important part:
Don't put pressure on yourself to leave with a new best friend.
Just go.
Sometimes your only accomplishment is getting yourself and your baby out the door.
Honestly, that's a win.
Find Maternal Professionals Who Build Community
This might be one of my favorite pieces of advice.
Look for maternal professionals who genuinely care about mothers—not just appointments.
Many lactation consultants, doulas, pelvic floor physical therapists, childbirth educators, and postpartum specialists host support groups, educational events, and community gatherings.
Not only are these spaces helpful, they're often filled with women navigating the same season of life.
And there's something comforting about sitting next to another mom who also forgot where she put her coffee for the third time that morning.
Don't Be Afraid to Make the First Move
Making friends as adults feels oddly similar to dating.
You meet someone.
You think, "She seems nice."
Then you spend the next week wondering if it's too weird to ask her to go on a stroller walk.
Here's your permission slip:
Ask.
Most moms are looking for connection, too.
A simple:
"Would you ever want to grab coffee after class?"
can go a long way.
You don't need a perfectly crafted invitation.
You just need to be willing to try.
Your Village Might Not Look Like You Expected
Sometimes we imagine our village as a large group of moms who all become lifelong friends.
But often, it looks more like this:
A mom you text when you're worried.
A neighbor who drops off soup.
A lactation consultant who reassures you during a hard feeding day.
A friend who sends a message saying, "Thinking of you."
A familiar face at story time.
A workout buddy who understands why you're ten minutes late.
Villages aren't always big.
They're simply made up of people who help you feel less alone.
A Gentle Reminder
If you're still searching for your village, keep showing up.
Keep saying yes to opportunities.
Keep introducing yourself.
Keep giving friendships time to grow.
You don't need to force it.
You don't need to have it all figured out.
And you certainly don't need a perfectly curated group chat to prove you've found your people.
Connection often happens slowly.
Then one day, you realize the village you've been looking for has been forming around you all along.
And until then, know this:
There are a whole lot of moms out there wondering where the village is too.
With warmth, always —
Cailen, Wholehearted Lactation
Empowering mamas, nurturing babies
